This Is The Strangest Low Budget Movie
What’s up Greg this video is sponsored by Capcom the Resident Evil 2 remake is available today for Xbox, Playstation and Steam Check out the link in my description for more details, and now, I’m gonna say “What’s up Greg” again. What’s up Greg, I hope you’re all having a great day Welcome back to another episode of “Unentertaining movies” Or, “Untertaining movies”. Welcome back to “Untertaining movies” So I know I usually talk about things related to the internet on this channel I usually talk about, like, Instagram influencers or weird youtube channels But in december I made a video about “The Santa Clause” it’s a movie that I think has a lot of weird flaws and funny plot holes and just a really weird message overall and I really enjoyed making that video I think it was kinda nice to take a step back from internet culture for a sec So I wanted to do that again today which is why we’re going to be talking about a movie called “The Lamp: Just Believe” This is a movie that came out in August of 2011, so eight years ago As you can probably tell by the poster for this movie and, uh, everything about it, it’s a low budget movie It’s just one of those, like, low budget movies that just has like a really weird plot It’s got this whole like ‘mystical’ element to it as you can probably tell by the title and the genie-looking lamp But the mythology and the lore that they build around this lamp doesn’t really make much sense and all of the acting and writing is pretty bad So the movie starts off with this funeral it’s a very somber opening to the movie you see this entire family gathered around the casket and then it shows the picture of the person in the casket and it’s a little boy He’s the son of Lisa and Stanley Walters Uh, Stanley is the main character of this movie So you see the kid’s picture there he’s wearing a baseball uniform on top of the casket there’s like a blanket with a baseball pattern on it and then there’s a ball and a mitt on top of the casket This kid was very into baseball It seems like his entire personality was baseball Then there’s this part which is never really explained where everybody leaves the funeral and the only person still standing there is Stan who’s Eddie’s dad and he picks up a picture of Eddie and he’s just kinda looking And then it cuts to this guy who’s just some janitor-looking guy named Sam and he’s just standing there watching him looking like he’s almost about to cry or like he’s having this epiphany or something almost as if he’s never seen anybody mourn before even though he clearly works at a cemetery So then there’s lots more shots of people being sad and then we cut to two years later There’s a little title card on the screen that says “Two Years Later” One interesting thing I noticed about this is I was wondering why this title card looked so plain It’s like a very plain font, it looks very generic and then I realized that this is the most default title that you can make in Final Cut like if you were to just drag a basic title into Final Cut which is the editing software that I use and you type “two years later”, you will get this exact title So you can tell that they’re putting a lot of work into this, right off the bat. I guess they thought that Helvetica, the default font in Final Cut, just perfectly exemplifies the feeling of waking up two years after your son died. It cuts to two years later and right away we learn two things. One, Lisa seems to be doing alright. She wakes up in her own bed at a normal time. And two, Stan is … not. When Lisa is leaving for work, we see that Stan is sleeping in Eddie’s room. So … yikes. And then it cuts to what I guess is Stan’s dream. Um, but it’s basically just a flashback to how Eddie dies. [Stan] You ready to do this? [Eddie] Yes. It looks like Stan is teaching Eddie how to ride a bike. He’s getting the bike ready, Eddie’s laughing. I guess … bikes are hilarious to this kid. Stan takes Eddie’s training wheels off and like throws them behind his shoulder like that. I like how he does it like that. Like, the look on his face he’s blowing this kid’s mind by getting rid of the training wheels. Like he’s just like “Ya, that’s right. I just took off your training wheels, so get ready to balance now bitch.” So Eddie gets on the bike and right as they start to ride, the flashback ends and Stan wakes up. So, I guess you’re gonna have to wait and see how Eddie died. They’re really making you wait. I mean there’s no possible way you could guess how he died from just that, right? I mean, how do you die on a bike? Does his bike blow up? Does his bike turn into a shark and eat him? I don’t know, we’re gonna have to wait and find out. [Voicemail] Hey Stan. It’s me, Joel, you remember, your publisher? Hey man listen, I can’t get you any more extension. So the movie sets up that Stan is still so torn up about Eddie dying that he can’t get anything done. He’s getting calls about his credit card payments being late. Stan’s an author, and his publisher’s trying to get a hold of him because he’s not writing his book. So Stan listens to all those voicemails, decides he should probably get some work done so he opens up Microsoft Word and then he bounces. Stan’s not writing shit today. He’s got other things to do. He’s gotta … go down to the baseball field and watch kids play baseball. But today he’s visited by none other than the janitor guy, from the funeral. Mkay-. I guess he works … at the baseball field too? Cause he’s still in uniform? The same uniform? [Janitor] Hey there. Which one’s yours? [Stan] What? [Janitor] Kid? Which one’s yours? [Stan] None of them. I don’t have any children. I like how he says “none of them” like it’s a dumb question to ask which of your kids you’d be watching at like a Little League practice. Oh, you think I’m watching – You think one of those is my kids? You really are a dumbass aren’t you. I don’t have any kids. I just like watching them play baseball. Obviously. [Stan] This coach is worthless. [Janitor] How do you mean? [Stan] Well the pitcher’s got a good arm but he’s throwing the ball the wrong way. Any good coach would see that. [Janitor] That’s Josh. She can throw a ball alright. [Stan] She? I like that she takes off her hat right then to prove that she’s a girl. Next we cut to a scene at Lisa’s work. Lisa works at this gym, where she’s a personal trainer. It’s a little bit of a weird niche gym where apparently people are only allowed to lift 10 pounds at a time. [Lisa] That’s good. Okay? Good job. Ooh. Unless you’re this guy. He’s lifting 45 pounds at a time. He’s a hunk. He’s a hunk daddy. [Client] Would that guy be considered a client or a perk? [Lisa] I’m sure I don’t know what you’re talking about. [Client] He never takes his eyes off you. [Lisa] Ya it’s not his eyes I have to worry about. [Client] Oh, really? [Lisa] Stop, I’m married. [Client] Does he know that? Wow, what a bad friend. This girl’s just trying to convince her friend to cheat on her husband. After they had a son who died. That’s not cool. [Client] Hi. [Client] When was the last time Stanley looked at you like that? Looked at her like what? Like this? Ew. What is that? It’s just a smile. It’s kinda creepy. When’s the last time Stanley looked at you like this? But to give the friend some credit, she is right. Stanley hasn’t been appreciating her as much as we see in the next scene. They’re both home from work, or Lisa’s home from work and Stan is home from watching girls play baseball. Lisa’s trying to talk to him but Stan is clearly not listening. Eventually she asks him how his book is going and he just gets pissed off and leaves. [Lisa] Did you make any progress on your book? [Stan] So what, you wanna nag me now? [Lisa] I’m not trying to nag you I just wish that you would talk with me. [Stan] Do you want me to clean the garage or do you want me to write the book? [Stan] You know what, never mind, forget about it – [Lisa] Don’t do this again. [Stan] You know what I’m gonna do is I’m gonna go to the garage and write my book there, okay? You happy? I like how he throws the magazine like that as he walks out that’s like his signature move. He throws the magazine like that, he throws the training wheels like that, he just throws everything like that. He just, “I don’t care”. This magazine? Don’t give a shit. Son’s safety? Don’t give a shit. So right from the start I feel like this movie is making me hate the main character. I feel like usually the main character can be a little bit flawed but is supposed to be mostly like redeemable. So you’re supposed to be rooting for him. But I’m pretty sure I’m rooting for everybody except this guy. I mean sure … his son died, which one could say … is a traumatic experience. But like show us something good about him. So that we wanna root for him a little bit. He hasn’t done anything good so far. You might think all this tension between Lisa and Stan might make Lisa wanna consider having an affair with that guy that they mentioned earlier. But, you actually never see him again. He never comes up in the rest of the movie. So the next day there’s a big garage sale in the neighbourhood. So Lisa goes through some of their old stuff, puts it in a box, and then she goes into Eddie’s room and then it gets all sad, she’s looking at all of his old stuff. Like his little pictures, and baseball stuff and his little red cowboy boot that he used to wear when he was a … cowboy. A cowboy that played baseball. And she decides that it’s time that she gets rid of some of his stuff. So she opens up a drawer and gets rid of all of his shirts, which is like three of them, and his baseball jersey. So like three shirts and a baseball jersey. I guess this kid did not have a very diverse wardrobe. He just had three shirts, a baseball jersey, and a little cowboy boot. But by now you’re probably wondering when this lamp comes into play What’s this lamp all about? This movie is called “The Lamp … Just Believe”. So where’s the lamp? Well when we get to the garage sale, Miss Esther, who’s you know the foster mother of the foster kids that they were talking about earlier, she brings this lamp to the garage sale. She makes a big deal about it, talks about what an amazing lamp it is. [Esther] Oh, this is a very special oil lamp. This lamp is going to bring its new owner the wisdom of the ages. It kinda seems like this movie must take place in a universe where they don’t have Aladdin? or like the stories of genies and a lamp because nobody sees the lamp and is like “Oh, like Aladdin. It looks like the lamp from Aladdin.” Everybody’s just kinda like “uh, okay, weird old thing” Meanwhile Stan is back at the crib writing his book, like he does every day. This time he has Microsoft Word open and he has two words written. But then he gets fed up cause he can’t figure out what happiness is so he just decides to bounce again. [Stan] Let’s get out of here, Coop. Let’s get out of here Coop, let’s blow this popsicle stand. This fuckin’ sucks. He sounds like a high schooler at a lame party. “Let’s get out of here Coop. Writing books is for nerds and I’m not a fuckin’ nerd. I’m gonna go watch kids play baseball again.” Uh oh. But before he leaves he notices that a drawer in Eddie’s room is open and all of Eddie’s shirts are gone! All three of ’em! And he is pissed. [Stan] Where were you all day? Then of course when Lisa gets home there is a big fight because Stan is mad that Lisa got rid of the stuff, Lisa’s mad because Stan’s not over Eddie yet. I’m confused because there’s like three globes in the background. Why do they have so many globes in their house? Why would you ever need that many? Especially in the era of Google Maps, like why do you even need one globe? Let alone three in one location. [Stan] Are you just gonna take every single thing that we have left of him? And you’re gonna sell it to the highest bidder? And you bring home this? What is this? Why is he so mad about the lamp? I understand him being mad about her selling the stuff but why is he mad that she brought home a lamp? “And you bring home this? What is this? I don’t know what this is but it pisses me off.” And can you guess what he does next? Can you guess? He bounces. He’s outta there. [Lisa] Just believe? Ya, I wish I could. Ooh, she’s rubbing the lamp. You know what that means. While she’s rubbing the lamp, all of a sudden all of the lights flicker, turn on and off, And then a mysterious man appears at the door. [Lisa] Can I help you? [Man] No actually I’m- I’m here to help you. And he’s like “Please let me in, I’m here to help you”. And he slides her a business card. The business card just says “Just believe. Charles Montgomery III” So, not a very descriptive business card. Doesn’t really help her figure out what’s going on at all actually. [Charles] I’m here because you requested me. He’s so happy! I wish everybody did that when you open the door for them. Just stand there, silently for ten seconds like [Charles] Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Charles Montgomery III. [Lisa] What are you? Some kind of genie? [Charles] What do you know? Wait so they do know what genies are in this universe? She knows that genies come out of lamps to grant wishes, but she just didn’t put that together? Like tha-that was a genie-looking lamp? That’s like the first thing I would say if I saw a lamp like that in real life. I’d be like “that looks like a genie’s gonna come out of it.” But nobody made that connection before? Anyways, Charles Montgomery III is apparently not a genie. He kinda gets offended when she asks. [Charles] What do you know? Genie’s are fictitious. I am more of a messenger. [Lisa] Messenger? Instead he says he’s a messenger and he’s here to deliver a message to Lisa. He’s here to tell Lisa how she can have anything she wants in life and achieve anything. [Charles] You can have anything you want. So Lisa seems intrigued and he’s about to tell her how when suddenly … Stan comes home. And he disappears. [Stan] What are you doin’? [Lisa] Talking with Charles. This interaction is so unnatural. And you can tell that it’s- it only exists to drive the plot forward cause it- like this interaction would never happen normally. You wouldn’t walk into a room where someone is sitting on the couch, not doing anything, and say “what are you doing?” And why would he come back from this huge argument and just open the door and be like “Yo what’s up? What are you- what are you doing?” And then Lisa turns around and she’s like “I’m talking to Charles.” You know Charles. The man you’ve never met or seen before. Who just showed up out of nowhere. I’m not gonna explain who Charles is. I’m not even gonna look to make sure he’s still there. I’m just going to say “talking to Charles”. So Lisa’s all freaked out that Charles disappeared and she tries to explain what happened, like “I rubbed the lamp and this dude show up”. But Stan is like “I wanna divorce”. [Stan] I’m gonna … get an apartment next week. And then they go to bed. The next day Stan is back at the baseball field, being a creep, and his friend Sam comes up to him again. [Stan] Would you look at this coach? He has no idea what he’s doing. [Sam] He’s doing the best he can. They could really use someone who knows what he’s doin’. [Stan] What, me? Not interested. [Sam] I’m just sayin’, maybe this would help you with your loss. [Stan] What do you know about my loss? [Sam] I’m sorry, Stan. [Stan] Mind your own business! You don’t know me. You don’t know what I need. Then he comes home, without the dog that he just had at the park. So that’s kinda concerning. [Stan] Hey. [Lisa] I don’t wanna fight. [Stan] I don’t either. Ah, and then they start fighting. [Stan] Lisa, there is no magic genie gonna come out of this lamp and make everything okay again. You wanna know what’s real? I’ll show you what’s real. [Lisa] Stanley, where are you going? Stanley, what are you doing!? [Stan] There is no genie. [Dog barking] Holy shit the lamp’s back. And so is the dog. It got home from the park, or wherever it was. So he tries to break the lamp again, and Lisa chases after him again. [Lisa] Stanley, no! Stanley, stop! I wish this was just the rest of the movie. Stan losing his mind, running outside and smashing the lamp and coming back in and it’s still there. And meanwhile, Lisa’s chasing him the whole time like “Stan, stop!” [Stan] Take a look, Lisa. It’s a big hunk of metal! [Lisa] You’re just mean. [Stan] There’s nothing magical about it! Jesus, this dude is so mean. Why- I’m not rooting for this guy at all. I honestly feel like he deserves to just be sad. He definitely doesn’t deserve a genie. Ope, but there’s the genie. [Charles] Come over here and sit down. You and I need to have a talk. Why is the genie cool with Stan seeing him now? Earlier he disappeared when Stan showed up so he obviously didn’t want Stan to see him then, but now he’s cool with appearing in the middle of their kitchen and being like “Have a seat, Stan. I’m a genie.” Actually, he’s not a genie. Stan asks if he’s a genie and he gets offended again. [Stan] So you- you- you- you really are the genie in the lamp? [Charles] The genie? “The genie!? Ew! Gross. Ugh!” Anyways, he says the same thing as he said before he’s a messenger, he’s come to tell them how they can have anything they want. And the way that they can have anything they want is by just believing. [Charles] My message is this. You can have anything in life you want including happiness and forgiveness if you’re willing … to just … believe. Like the title of the movie. Nice. [Stan] I think it would’ve been easier if you were a genie and you could just grant me three wishes and I could just wish myself out of this. [Charles] Three wishes? That’s not what I would normally do but uh, if it would help you, then three wishes it is. And he says as long as the wishes don’t interfere with other people’s free will, bring people back to life, and the wishes aren’t something that they could do on their own, that he will grant the three wishes, and they have 30 days to decide what they want their wishes to be. This movie has such a weird mythology that it sets up. It’s like, there’s no such thing as genies nobody’s gonna come out of a lamp and grant all your wishes. Instead, when you rub a lamp, it’s just gonna be this dude named Charles. Just this guy is gonna show up, and he’s gonna tell you to believe in yourself. He’s not a genie, so don’t ask him if he is one. He’s not gonna grant you wishes. Unless, unless you ask him to, and then he will. Then he’ll grant you whatever wishes you want. So, Charles says they have thirty days to decide what they want their wishes to be uh, and then he disappears. This next part we finally get introduced to Josh, the girl with the good arm. Josh and one of the other foster kids are playing catch in the backyard next to Stan’s house and they accidentally hit one of the boxes in Stan’s garage while he’s cleaning out his garage. [Stan] Where’d you brats learn how to throw a ball? Stan is a little bit pissed, at first. Obviously, because he gets pissed about everything. [Josh] My coach says I have a great arm. [Stan] Yeah, well your coach is an idiot. [Josh] Well at least I’m not a crazy dog guy. [Stan] What is that supposed to mean? [Josh] I’ve seen you at our practices talking to your dog. [Josh] What are you doing watching us play all the time? [Stan] None of your business. That part’s weird because they never address that. Did you notice that? She says I’ve seen you talking to your dog at our practices. But he’s actually talking to Sam So can other people not see Sam? *spooky music* Is Sam like a ghost? Or just part of Stan’s imagination? They never explain that. They just breeze right past it, and they never acknowledge it again. It’s just so confusing, who is Sam? Eventually, though, Stan offers to coach Josh a little bit in baseball and pay her in exchange for her helping him clean out his garage. And while doing so, Josh says something that gives Stan an epiphany. [Josh] I wish I had a lot of money. [Stan] What did you say? [Josh] I just said I wish I had a lot of money. So right then you can see that Stan is realizing what he might want his first wish to be: money. But he realizes it in such a weird way. Like how- how did it take this girl saying she ‘wished she had money’ for him to realize that would be a.. a reasonable wish? Isn’t that like what everybody on Earth would think of immediately? I mean, you might not actually wish for it, but that would be one thing that you would consider immediately, right? Like what were his wishes gonna be before that? Was he just like, “Oh, money! That makes so much more sense!” “I was just gonna wish for a new iPod. And socks. But with money, I could buy both of those things and more.” That night Stan has another dream about the day Eddie died, but this time we actually get to see what happened. Stan fixes up the bike, he throws the training wheels. Stan pushes Eddy into the road and Eddie presumably gets hit by a car. Who woulda thought? That that’s what happened. It does make me wonder why they made such a big deal about him throwing the training wheels away. As if that would have helped. Like it’s in his head like, “Why did I have to take his training wheels off? If only I had kept them on his bike… He would’ve been indestructible..” Things seem to be going pretty well for Stan and Josh though, They’re bonding, It seems like a new, like fatherly relationship is forming between them, until suddenly, Josh finds some of Eddie’s old baseball supplies. [Josh] Oh man!